Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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