At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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