I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
This is the high leading the old right now
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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