I cockslap morals
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
