T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
