I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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