Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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