btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
