Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
