They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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