Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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