Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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