hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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