we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
