My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
