i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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