It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
