Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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