i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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