you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
