I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We have so much sex to catch up on
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
