He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize