HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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