id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
