he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
