one word: firstdatebathroomanal
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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