He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
