how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
