He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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