She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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