You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Nicole vs. Life
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
