I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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