he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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