Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
