I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
