My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
