is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
