I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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