I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
