I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
