Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
