you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
