i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
