DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
