Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
this just has baby written all over it
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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