i think my tv is drunk
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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