Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
