I'm really into asian looking animals
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
