I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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