Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
