Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
