Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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