it's too hot outside to masturbate.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
