If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
this just has baby written all over it
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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