The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
