Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
